Sex before Marriage: But...I Really Love Him

By: Adam McClendon
www.newlineministries.com

Recently, I was part of a Q&A for an on-campus college ministry.  One of the questions submitted was:

Is sex before marriage wrong even if you love the person and know you are going to marry them?  If so, where in the Bible does it say that?

I love the heart of that question.  If we hold to a moral principle as people of the Bible, then we should base that moral principle upon the teaching of the Bible. 

Whether you are a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teenager, college student or whatever, this question is not going away.  Professing Christians need to base their convictions and responses to serious questions on the teachings of the Bible and not their traditions or personal value systems. 

So, my answer?  Yes, sex before marriage is wrong.  Where does the Bible teach that?

Well, here’s a basic outline of my response.  (Evidence is prioritized in order of increasing strength.)

1.   God presents his plan for marriage in positive terms, implying throughout Scripture that sex is to be expressed within the confines of a one man / one woman covenant relationship.

2.   The term “sexual immorality” (Gal 5:19; Col 3:5; 1 Thess 4:3; Heb 13:4; etc.) includes sex outside of marriage.

3.   The “one flesh” passages present sex as an act of covenant in marriage.  From the very beginning, sex is presented in this way (Gen 2:24), and this principle is referenced repeated in the Bible (Matt 19:5-6; Mark 10:7-9; Eph 5:31).  Sex in this way also becomes a partial picture of the gospel (Song of Solomon) and the mysterious union of our becoming one with Christ (Eph 5:30-32).  Furthermore, 1 Corinthians 6:16 clarifies that “one flesh” is what happens during sex and that believers are to avoid “sexual immorality” and seek to glorify God with their bodies.

4.   But, the clearest and most compelling passage is 1 Corinthians 7:1-9, 36-38.  The passage talks a lot about sex.  Is it okay to be celibate (v. 1)?  Yes, Paul replies; however, to avoid “sexual immorality” each person should have their own spouse (notice he mentions the opposite gender implying that biblically-defined marriage is between opposite genders) for sexual pleasure, and each spouse should use their bodies to please the other (vv. 2-5).  Throughout the passage, the point is made that sex outside of marriage is wrong, but within marriage appropriate.  Paul even addresses engaged couples near the end of the chapter (v. 36-38).  His point is that if someone can’t control their desire for sex, then they should marry to keep from “sin” (v. 36).

All too often our teenagers leave for college and “fall away” from the faith, because they find the logic of their parents flawed and instead see what they believe to be amazing freedom in the “wisdom” of their peers and professors.  Let us be clear that these values are not our own, but God’s.  Let us help our children, students, family members, and friends think through the Bible, rightly dividing the Word, so that they are choosing between God and the world, not old-fogeys caught in a lost decade and sophisticated, progressive society.

www.newlineministries.com